I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
