My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
