I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We don't watch enough power rangers
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
