ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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