I can tuck mytits in my pants
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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