Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
