He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
