Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
