one two three fourrrrnication!
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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