Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
