you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
