Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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