if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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