..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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