I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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