well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
