I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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