I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Randomize
