Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
