remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
