Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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