I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
