I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
