Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
