Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just had sex on a roof
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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