i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
