I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
