is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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