I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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