We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
