I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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