I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
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My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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