Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
