In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
