Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
