you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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