I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I enjoy the company of your penis
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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