So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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