he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
