I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
