he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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