I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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