Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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