I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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