You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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