It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
