my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
