He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
