I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I look excited, but its just a facade.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
