I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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