im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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