I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
