Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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