I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
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Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
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i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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