It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
