I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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