I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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