Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
