You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
