he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
