So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize