Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
