Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
