aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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