i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
