I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Everclear isn't food dammit
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
