We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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