brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
