I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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