just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm always down for nudity.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
