Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
