like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
This is the prime rib incident all over again
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
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Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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