did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Randomize
