i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
