I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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